1. |
Pretty Okay
01:15
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All the people I've been would hate who I am, but they didn't know what I know now.
And when I pass them on the street, I can't help but smile to myself
Thinking, "you have no idea the mistakes you will make that will make us turn out this way.
So be a little more careful when you're angry, and when you know what you should do be less afraid."
It might not look like it from where you are standing, but things are actually pretty okay.
And it took us a while to get here, but it was always worth it to stay.
If I were you again, I would do it all the same.
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2. |
Quitter
04:42
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I'm sneaking out for a smoke behind the garage
Hoping my mom doesn't notice, but she probably does
We won't talk about it
We don't talk about much
But she loves me and I love her back
And I guess that's enough
'Cause that shit took her dad
And I know it's the last thing she wants for her son
So mom, I'm sorry for that
And I'm sorry for swearing so much
Fuck
I wanna stop
But I'm so stressed out
And it calms me down
That's what I tell myself
Why can't I learn how to do
What I know that I should?
I finally got what you tried to say
all those months ago
It still feels like yesterday
Will I ever make the right move
Not too late
Now Anna's stopping by tonight to pick up her stuff
She'll leave something behind again
Like she always does
But it's fine we'll be back here in no time
When we get tired of looking for
Whatever else we think we might find
And it's more my fault
But it's yours as well
And I'm trying my best
That's what I tell myself
Why can't I mean what I say when I say what I should
I finally understand all that shit you said
Now you say you didn't mean it
But you meant it then
The more we change the more we stay the same
But change is what we get
Now he's passing out at the end of my bar
Tonight I'm serving him drinks
Soon I'll be taking his spot
This neon light is keeping us company
Bathed in the glow
I wake up some days with new reasons to live
They stop calling back
I start drinking again
I've been coping more than celebrating lately
And it's starting to show
The more we change the more we stay the same
The more we change the more we stay the same
The more we change the more we stay the same
But change is what we get
Now they're calling last call and I'm stumbling home alone
They are calling last call and I'm stumbling home alone
They are calling last call and I'm stumbling home alone
Now they're calling last call and I'm stumbling home alone through the snow
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3. |
Bother You
03:23
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I remember smoking on your patio
And out in my garage, in your car
For once I didn't feel paranoid
We just laughed and turned the stereo up
"Man, I love this part"
Remember when you sat down too fast on my couch
And smacked the back of your head so hard
"Oh my god, are you okay?
I should've warned you I'm so sorry
Cassie, that's gonna leave a mark"
I don't want to bother you
If you wanted to call you would call
I should just let it go
I know it doesn't matter
But you were the last time
I really felt at home
And if my eyes ever light up like that again
I will find a way not to ruin it
But I don't want to bother you
If you wanted to call you would call
Morgan took that polaroid of us sitting on your bed
And I swear I've never smiled that big in my life
I probably shouldn't have saved it but I still look at it sometimes
You had kissed me in the back seat on the ride home after thoroughly
Schooling me in darts at the bar
We passed out on the couch
While everyone else
Was drunk playing Mario Kart
But I don't want to bother you
If you wanted to call you would call
I should just let it go
I know it doesn't matter
But you were the last time
I really felt at home
And if my eyes ever light up like that again
I will find a way not to ruin it
But I don't want to bother you
If you wanted to call you would call
I remember when you kissed me under the courtyard lamp
You grabbed me with both hands by my shirt
Shaking me and saying "I hate you 'cause I like you way too much
And your timing, it just couldn't be worse"
And it still breaks my heart I didn't have the words
To tell you right then how right you were
It still breaks my heart I didn't have the words
To tell you right then how right you were
Don't wanna bother you, should just let it go
Oh my god, are you okay?
I should've warned you, I'm so sorry
Cassie, that's gonna leave a mark
I don't want to bother you
But I really wish you would call
I'm still not okay and I'm so sorry, Cassie
You really left a mark
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4. |
Survived By
05:34
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Some days I wish my dad would start calling about my grandparents dying instead of their grandkids
It's been a trend in our family since his brother the year I was born
Only two years since the last one, and that was the last time we were all together
I don't think his sisters can take any more
And it's a shame, you both went the same way when you could've stayed
I worry about my brothers
when I call they say they're fine
I don't call often enough, but who can find the time?
I am learning that time is not found, it is made
I should start making time to call them back before it's too late
Because if this runs in the men in my family, well they are men in my family
And if the men in my family are doomed, then what does that make me?
But I keep on surviving, no matter how bad life gets, it's not nothing
And that's something to live for, I guess
And on my good days, I let myself hope
Sometimes I even feel happy in moments
And on my best days, I remember to slow down and notice them
That sickness is in me too, and I know my mom can see it
It must be hard to have parts of your body walking around in this big bad world
I wish that I could tell her that I'm fine, and not to worry so much
But I know she always will, no matter what
How could she not?
But I keep on surviving, no matter how bad life gets it's not nothing
And that's all that's after this
I know you hate when I say that
But some days it's all that keeps me going is knowing that this is all we get
And on my bad days I know my mom is out there somewhere praying for me to her god
Even though she knows I don't believe
And sometimes I pray for her back, because I think she would like that
And honestly, it's kind of comforting
If I go too soon there are people I know will miss me
Even when it's hard to see that in my head
And on your bad days I hope you feel safe
I hope you believe that we love you despite all the bugs in your brain
Telling you it'd be easier to leave
And I can't promise that things will get better
But I promise you will laugh and I will laugh
And you might smile at a stranger and they might smile back
And you will never know how much they needed that
If I could go in your place then I would but you're gone and I can't so I guess I'll stay
Keep trying everything I can to make everything okay
And on our good days we'll share the same hopes
We will look forward to happier moments
And on our best days, we'll remember to slow down and notice them
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5. |
Alone Time
03:54
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Hey, maybe when this is over we could go to the gardens just like we planned?
Before I fucked it all up, and I let you down again
We could look at the flowers and talk how we've grown
Since the whole goddamn world so suddenly closed
Tell me how you spent your time alone
Do you feel alone? Do you miss me at all?
Hey maybe when this is done we could open that book?
The one that you had lent to me
You said "I never did finish that one, would you read it to me before we fall asleep?"
Now I never fall asleep, do you sleep better without me?
I bet you do.
Why wouldn't you?
Tell me how you spent your time alone
Do you feel alone? Do you miss me at all?
I've got your 500 words on why I won't waste your time this time
But you don't have to read them, unless you would like
I've got a handful of letters that I'll never send
But if you're hearing this now, well then you get the gist
Did it all just mean less than I thought it did?
Tell me how you spent your time alone
Do you feel alone? Do you miss me at all?
If you get sick of spending all of your time alone
Call me up, anytime, we'll get some coffee and catch up
We can take the long drive home,
this song's way too good not to sing along
and when winter falls, I hope you'll call
If not, when I see you I hope that you missed me
I hope against hope you might still want to kiss me
But if you just smiled and waved
Well, that would be okay
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6. |
We Love to Live in Hell
04:36
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Mary, I miss you hanging around, talking soft, and getting stoned
But you packed up and you got out about a year ago
I hope Seattle is as good as it looks in all the pictures that you post
You are smiling by the ocean
You look happy to be home
When we talk, I say I hate it here
And you say, "You could leave, you know"
I know I know I know
But I love to live in hell, it's just for now
Tomorrow I'll get out
We are the lies we tell ourselves
It's a fine place to be, it's not a good place to stay
I keep staying anyway running in place
It's easy to plan an escape, but it's hard to make a change
It feels like hubris to assume that changing scenery could change my life
To think a different city could make me a better person
Well, that feels like a fat fucking lie
I've got this nice, big apartment with all this space for all of my stuff
But when your home state's so suffocating, no big big house will ever be enough
This place will never be enough
But I love to live in hell, it's just for now
Tomorrow I'll get out
We are the lies we tell ourselves
It's a fine place to be, it's not a good place to stay
I keep staying anyway running in place
It's easy to plan an escape
Now, Mary, you're in Alaska watching the Northern Lights
And I'm in Nebraska watching the time crawl by
Someday I'll stop treading water through my life
But tomorrow keeps on running from tonight
Someday I'll stop fucking up my life
But I love to live in hell, it's just for now
Tomorrow I'll get out
We are the lies we tell ourselves
It's a fine place to be, it's not a good place to stay
I keep staying anyway running in place
It's easy to plan an escape,
but it's hard to make a change
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7. |
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Your song's always stuck in my head about patterns and sweaters
Every time I think that I'm getting better, you show up in my dreams
We're a little drunk and more than a little stoned
And you don't speak to me, you just sit and nod along
I wish I could make you laugh because I think I miss your laugh the most
Thank god Tommy got that shit on video
It's that empty couch where you used to sleep
It's this quiet you I never knew, the only you I see in my dreams
When I'm awake at night, which is almost all the time now, I barely sleep
I play back all those songs we wrote just so I can hear you sing
I pull your records from their sleeves, they still smell like patchouli
I kind of hope they do forever, and I'm still not getting better
If I'm being honest, I'm barely keeping my shit together
I'm tired of this weather and I just wanna leave
You used to play me this album sitting over at your old apartment
Saying "dude, it's so good, come on, how can you not love this?"
So I snagged it for myself when we were splitting up your stuff
I figured it deserved another chance if you loved it that much
It's still not my favorite, but I'll play it when I miss you sometimes
Now it's this empty house where I can never sleep
I hear you snoring on the couch somehow louder than the blaring TV
I shake myself awake, I know that it's just a dream
And there's still no one here but the devil and me
There is nobody here but the devil and me
There is still no one here but me
Timing is everything
Now you're in my headphones stuck on repeat
Telling me that timing is everything
But goddammit you couldn't have picked a worse time to leave
J, it's been months now, does it ever get better?
I swear I haven't smiled for real since September
And I know it's not your fault
It feels wrong to feel angry
But most nights I feel like I'm going fucking crazy
And I'm not scared to die cause it feels like already left
When you did
I'm just out floating around through what's left of my life
Always talking to you in my head
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